QB: Abbott Michael: You need one of your smartest athletes at the quarterback position, and Abbott Michael is perfect for reading defenses and diagnosing plays. A natural born leader, Abbott will be throwing absolute dimes all over the field.
RB: J. Elster: Short and stocky, Mr. Elster has a low center of gravity that is ideal at the running back position. Nearly a decade in the navy will also help, as he will be one of the toughest guys on the field. He also has a twitchy play style, allowing him to make quick cuts with ease. He is also a former football team captain, so leadership with be a strong suit; however, he admittedly never knew the plays, which could be an issue.
WR: Coach Burrell: This is the obvious pick for WR1. A former Division 1 receiver, his speed will be unmatched on the field. Although he thinks he should be QB1, his lackluster throwing abilities would hinder him from doing much.
WR: D. Spooner: Although he skips leg day, Coach Spooner will have an explosive start off the line and can be a vocal leader on the offensive side of the ball. However, he lacks much football knowledge, as most Jets fans do.
WR: M. Smith: Although he might not be the fastest cat on the field, Mr. Smith is a crisp route runner that takes PERFECT angles when cutting, as well as having insane stamina due to his daily walks.
TE: P. Mohs: With a background in CrossFit, Mr. Mohs provides an athletic, tall frame made for terrorizing opposing defenses.
LT: D. Cormier: Being the former Dean of Students, Mr. Cormier is an intimidating presence at offensive tackle. He also happens to be the academic decathlon coach, so you know he will study the opposing team like crazy.
LG: Russ: Russ the maintenance guy may be a tad undersized, but his superb blocking comes in handy when cleaning up the trenches.
C: M. Williams: An absolute perfect fit at center, Mr. Williams will use his physics knowledge to execute absolutely perfect snaps. He will also be a superb blocker, using trajectory, leverage, and kinetic energy. And of course, Williams will be rocking the perfect number, #64.
RG: Father John: Father John will have stellar pass protection using the power of God to protect the quarterback.
RT: Bro. August: Standing at a whopping 6’3, Brother August can set the edge as a pass blocker. His power combined with Father John will work together to part the defense and create huge running lanes for the running back like Moses parted the Red Sea for the Israelites.
DE: J. Roshone: With a tall, slender frame, Mr. Roshone is an athletic freak that is a matchup nightmare for opposing offensive tackles.
NT: Fr. Dan: Although mostly viewed as a gentle giant, Father Dan has artistic pass rush moves that allow him to clog up the middle.
DT: J. Von Dollen: An absolute beast at d-tackle, Coach Von Dollen is an unstoppable force inside due to his insanely muscular stature.
DE: M. Luettel: As a former track athlete, Mr. Luettel will have both size and speed coming off the edge. A trustworthy contain man, the fireman can put out any fires out coming off the edge.
LB: B. Sullivan: Coach Sullivan is an all-around athlete, with both speed and crazy tackling ability, the wrestling coach will fill up the stat sheet. He also has a vocal presence, calling out plays before they happen.
LB: J. Bogatz: The head lunch guy will flank the offense like he flanks the steak. His build will allow him to sack the quarterback like he sacks the lunches.
LB: J. Smith: The former rugby player, Senorita Smith, will add yet another reliable tackler on an already stacked front seven.
CB: S. Sedlacek: Mrs. Sedlacek can be a sneaky good threat on the defensive side of the ball. She does a stellar job of getting into opposing receiver’s heads with her controversial trash-talking abilities and will provide a Jalen Ramsey-like presence on the field. Her competitive spirit will provide a spark on the defensive side of the ball.
CB: R. Crnkovich: Dr. C provides a reliable cover man who has flawless technique. However, like Mrs. Sedlacek, he can be a bit of a chatterbox, and tends to get a few penalties here and there. But I digress.
SS: T. Struckman: The former strength and conditioning teacher has impeccable form and can do everything you need him to on the defensive side of the ball. Although most scouts view his size as a weakness, it comes in handy when sneaking up and picking off passes.
FS: J. Mackeprang: Mr. Mackeprang is an expert at diagnosing the play, and always happens to be at the right place at the right time.
