One of the things that makes Mount Michael an especially unique place is its boarding program, but with this unique perk comes consequences. Boarders at The Mount live in close proximity, and illness and disease spread quickly amongst the Knights. Many members of the Class of 2025 can recall a class-wide cold during sophomore year that led to an intercom announcement reminiding us to wash our hands. More recently, the Knights have done battle with the norovirus, and lost.
But there is another affliction that is much more widespread amongst the Class of ’25 than any of these: senioritis. The American Society of Doctors identifies senioritis as “the general lessening of care given as the final year of high school progresses.” Many current Mount Michael seniors are already infected, and unfortunately the disease is terminal. The only humane treatment for those afflicted is to send them out to pasture; that is, to give them respite through graduation.
However, the effects of the disease can be lessened with help from friends and family. So please, look out for these warning signs, and keep us seniors in your prayers this semester.
Early Onset Senioritis (EOS) Symptoms:
1. A Lapse in Punctuality
Many seniors see their ability to show up to places on time leave them early on in the progression of the disease. Senior Jack Stanek is normally the most punctual person you could find, but ever since he caught the senioritis, even simple tasks such as showing up to first period have become challenging for him. When asked about his condition, he exclaimed “I don’t know what has happened to me, I am literally never late to anything. [sobbing] I just want my life back.”
2. A Lack of Awareness
Those infected with senioritis often find themselves in a tranquil, oblivious state that is being called by medical professionals as a “daydream.” When senior Easton Crouse was asked for a quote, he responded: “Who… Whadda ya want?”
3. A Smattering of Missing Assignments
School is hard, and teachers do their best to keep it that way with a steady flow of assignments. Those with senioritis find it difficult to keep track of all these, and inevitably a few slip their minds. National Merit Scholar Cole Storch ’25 certifies this, saying “I have not done a single assignment in AP Gov all semester.” Government teacher Mr. Nick Beau contributed, “Cole is overexaggerating quite a bit (shocker).”
Stage Two Senioritis Symptoms:
1. In-Class Gaming
Brawl Stars, Block Blast, and crosswords too; it seems like those with senioritis will do anything while in school except school. Senior Augie Knobbe said, “I just get the itch to play Brawl Stars, and it’s like a hole in my life that nothing else can fill. But when I’m playing… ooooohhh man, its good.”
2. Dishelveled Appearance
Those infected with senioritis have a lot of trouble caring what others think of them, and therefore, like to roll into class looking as if they just rolled out of bed; likely because they did. Harry Vondrak ’25 is a prime example of this, often walking into school with a terrible case of bedhead.
3. Faltering Grades
“I have never seen an all-As student fumble so fast,” said Ms. Robertson in reference to senior Connor Smith’s academic performance. Unfortunately, this is not a unique experience, as many of those afflicted with senioritis have lost the ability to make an academic comeback, and instead are on the wrong side of an academic blowout.
Terminal Senioritis Symptoms:
1. Chronic Narcolepsy
For even the most advanced of students, senioritis can make them lose the will to earn As and instead focus on getting zzzzzzs. Alex Poole ’25 is no exception, stating, “I get woken up more often by Mr. Cormier yelling at me than I do by my alarm clock.” Cormier commented that he is currently experiencing second-hand senioritis from all the yelling done to wake Poole up.
2. Date Night Every Night
Some certain seniors feel that the investment that their parents have made to allow them to board overnight at The Mount is insignificant, and instead, spend nearly every night gallivanting about town with their girlfriend. Senior Leo Dustin is the most guilty of this, but when asked to elaborate on his reasoning, his only statement was “Rawr, I’m a puma.”
3. Senioritis Skip Days
Finally, those infected with senioritis have a long fight ahead of them, and they need their rest. However, some seniors take much more time off than others. Senior Aidan Balas is a prime example of a prima donna who is allergic to showing up to school for an AP Biology test. He refused to comment on this trend, instead choosing to plead the 5th.
