Rizzly Bears on the Loose


There is an age-old question among young bachelors: “What is rizz?” The root word “rizz” derives from the word charisma which is defined as, “compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.”

Inspired by our curiosity, the journalism team went searching among the student body to get a feel for how Mount Michael students apply this word in their daily lives.

An up and coming prospect in the “rizz” category is Andrew Starr Kirklin ‘23. Little is known about his abilities, but he often tests his talents on Snapchat. His confidence seems to be unmatched on “Snap,” and he is able to spark a conversation with any Quick Add of his choice. Recently, Starr put himself on the map with his intimidating Cauliflower Ear, which is caused by a hit to the ear, making all the ladies think he’s a fighter. His ultimate “rizz” and colorful personality allows him to live “rent free” in a lot of gals’ heads.

John Mohs ‘25 is another student at The Mount with an incredibly charming personality. His natural charisma and ability to captivate those around him make it easy for him to get attention. Whether it’s his witty conversation or smooth dance moves, Mohs brings out the best in every person meets. Despite not having any social media, he knows how to use his charm and good looks to win over anyone who crosses his path. It’s no shock that the ladies are drawn towards him.

Our next contestant is ole’ reliable Aiden Brink ‘23. Brink is infamous for his ability to get into the “talking” stage with a girl. However, the issue is that he never gets past that. But, like any good Disney movie, there’s always a happy ending. Brink, currently in the talking stage as of Valentine’s Day, has gained the reputation as head chef because the man can cook. This “boy who cried rizz” keeps showing out and impressing us all, as he looks to further prove himself in the future.

This title of “Rizz King” wouldn’t be complete without the likes of A.J. Atayi ‘23. Atayi has been running up the stat sheet as of late. First, finding himself in seven seperate talking stages, and is quoted saying, “these are rookie numbers.” Also solidifying two first dates and one second, it is easy to claim that Atayi is “Him.” Atayi also found himself busting a move at Mom Prom, making him the “hottest” topic at the D.C. Centre and leaving a charming mark on everyone that was able to witness his sturdiness.

Like every good war movie, there are always fallen heroes. When talking about “rizz,” these fallen heroes are the simps. Simp is defined as, a person (typically a man) who is desperate for the attention and affection of someone else (typically a woman).”

Will Brewster ‘23, having had a girlfriend for ten months now, had his own take on the word, “simp.” His opinion reads, “A simp is what people without a girlfriend call people that have one. People that call me a simp would love to switch places with me.” Andrew Kirklin rebutted this quote, saying, “Will is a simp, one hundred percent.” Thanks for the input, Bookshelf!

This opinion by Brewster, while interesting, is hard to counter considering his extensive career in regards to “rizz.” This response also sparked another question for this rizzly bear. How much does he like his girlfriend? Brewster responded saying, “I like my girlfriend a lot, and spend four-to-six hours a week with her, but I think about her 24/7.” This might quite literally be the definition of a simp.

Will “Phil” Benson ‘23 is another guy that has earned the “simp” title. Phil loves spending time with his girlfriend, mmmh Maggie. He always makes sure to let it be known what he’s doing, and he frequently ends conversations with “mmmh…I’m probably just going to go hang out with Maggie.” His enthusiasm for spending quality time with her shows in his every word and gesture; it’s clear he values their  relationship above all else. Phil is the kind of guy who isn’t afraid to show how much he cares about someone, and he lives that out with his girlfriend, mmmh Maggie.

In conclusion, my brothers, know the difference between “rizz” and “simphood.” And make sure to never leave your true friends in the dust even when a relationship comes into the picture. Some say love is blind, but brotherhood is clear as day.